Tacky kitchens are all fun and games until you’re the one who’s staring down a ceramic chicken every morning while you wait for your coffee. While there is no shortage of amazing kitchen styles and trends out there, there are even more that will make your home look like an interior design nightmare. In this slideshow, we’re taking a look at all the many don’ts of decorating a kitchen. From obnoxious colors to dated styles to immature decor, these tacky trends are sure to get guests whispering behind your back at your next dinner party.
Mason Jar Decor
Mason jar owners fall into two camps: canners and obnoxious trend chasers. If you’ve got them in your kitchen but don’t also have a pressure cooker and a working knowledge of botulism prevention, you’re probably in the second group.
Why do they need to be decorative in the first place? They’re jars–is it so wrong to just use them for what they were intended?
Does anyone need to work in the kitchen? Heck, does anyone WANT to work in the kitchen?
And admit it–we all know within a week it’s just going to be covered with bills and other clutter.
If you’re worried that a full backsplash would look too tacky, you can always try a short one. Granted, it will look just as tacky, but it’s much easier to hide.
It doesn’t protect the wall from stains, and it doesn’t really stand out that much–you’re basically paying for an extra useless row or two of tiles.
Are you the Barefoot Contessa? Are you whipping up a dish in your summer Tuscan villa? No? Then leave the pots in your cabinets like the rest of us schmucks.
People with pot racks think they give the impression of “I’m an experienced cook”, but strangely enough, you always seem to find them in kitchens that look like they’ve barely been touched…
Nothing makes an already-tacky kitchen look worse than tacky lighting. The harsh glow, the sci-fi feel–fluorescents are just a mess. If you can find it in a morgue, it doesn’t belong in your kitchen.
And you better be careful when replacing them…unless you’re in the mood for an explosion!
Nobody needs to be told what the kitchen is for. Hanging the word “EAT” on the wall is an insult to everyone, save children learning to read.
If you can’t bear the thought of a kitchen without words on the walls, you could always invest in a label maker. At least that way they’re harder to see.
White appliances look great right out of the box. But give them a year–your appliances will go from pristine to stained and dingy.
Darker colors hide stains better, which means you can get away with a messier kitchen.
Uncomfortable Dining Chairs
Dinner is a great place to relax with family and friends. However, it’s difficult to do that when you’re sitting on your grandmother’s creaky, wooden, straight-backed chairs.
Buy some more modern, comfortable dining chairs and enjoy your night – or invest in a chiropractor.
Is your kitchen in a museum? If not, marble is way too sterile looking. Save the marble for your mausoleum.
Marble is one of those things that cheap people think look fancy. But at the end of the day it’s just a rock.
One word: grout. That tile will look amazing until your grout turns the color of sludge through normal kitchen wear and tear.
It also makes common kitchen things like rolling out dough a real pain. Unless you want your tile pattern imprinted into everything you bake.
Kitchens are messy places. No matter how neat, organized, or clean you are as a person, that marinara sauce will still end up on your wall.
Unless you plan on hiring 24/7 cleaners to keep it immaculate, save the all white for hospitals.
Distressed cabinets give the impression that your home has a history. But when you live in a prefab suburban house that you bought in 2019, that narrative becomes a little harder to push.
If you really want distressed cabinets, just don’t take care of your new ones. In a few years, they should be looking good and run down.
Speckled Granite Counters
Ooooh, speckled counters? How unique! I’ve definitely never seen that in literally every kitchen ever.
This is a kitchen trend that’s so old it’s completed a few cycles of popularity. But it’s time to take it out of the kitchen and bury it in the backyard.
Tumbled Marble Backsplashes
The one good thing about tumbled marble is this: it already looks dirty, so you never have to worry about cleaning it.
But yeah, unless you’re into that filthy kitchen vibe, I don’t know why you would want to introduce this color scheme into your home.
Dated Wooden Cabinets
It seems like each decade came together and picked their favorite type of wood. They cycled through, and then they feel very dated.
If your cabinets haven’t been updated since 1967, maybe it’s time to save up for some new ones. And this time, get something a little less trendy. It’ll last longer.
The microwave has no reason to be over the stove! Its proper place is on the curb in the garbage can.
And this is def not something you want to be your first DIY home project. Or you might just find your microwave has merged with the stove below it.
Lace used to be a status symbol because of how difficult it was to produce by hand. But thanks to modern manufacturing, it’s become a status symbol for people who don’t understand status symbols.
Cross Handle Faucets
There’s a reason you don’t see cross handle faucets much anymore–they’re a real pain to use. Anyone who willingly installs them in their kitchen gets what they deserve.
If you want an old-timey kitchen vibe, I say go big or go home–just remove running water from the home entirely.
One chandelier in your kitchen? I’ll keep my comments to myself. But two?? I’m staging an intervention.
Industrial kitchens are great for commercial purposes. But no one needs stainless steel to heat up a bowl of Easy Mac.
And while it can be easier to clean, keeping it shiny and completely smudge-free is a different story.
Tons of Color
Everyone loves color, but no one loves all the colors in one room. At some point, it becomes an assault on the eyes.
If your kitchen needs a seizure warning, you’ve gone too far.
Open shelving doesn’t work because it’ll end up stacked like toddler Jenga.
Not to mention, dust will settle on everything, so keeping the entire thing clean will be absolutely miserable.
Unless you’re ready to cook like it’s 1963, just say no to linoleum.
Sure, it’s cheaper than actual tile. But, unsurprisingly, that also means that it looks cheaper.
Nothing says “I have my stuff together” like a bowl of fruit – real fruit. Fake fruit is like fake plants – obviously artificial. Those little rubber grapes look like crap when they’re coated in dust, so opt for real fruit.
Those little rubber grapes look like crap when they’re coated in dust, so opt for real fruit. Or no fruit! There is no kitchen police to harrass you…unless you’re using plastic.
Ignoring the Rest of the Home
Why should the kitchen have all the tacky fun? Throw a ceramic chicken in the bathroom! Hang a pot rack over your bed!
For better or worse, your home is going to look nicer if it’s uniformly tacky–but preferably uniformly beautiful!